


The Voodoo Doughnut Job

by canadasuperhero, dapatty, litra, Shmaylor



Category: Leverage
Genre: Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Streaming, Collaboration, Other, Podfic & Podficced Works, Podfic Length: 0-10 Minutes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-10 00:23:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4370006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canadasuperhero/pseuds/canadasuperhero, https://archiveofourown.org/users/dapatty/pseuds/dapatty, https://archiveofourown.org/users/litra/pseuds/litra, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shmaylor/pseuds/Shmaylor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you just have to go out for doughnuts in the early morning hours. If you're one the the baddest crews this side of the Atlantic this means you also save a wedding and spoil a terrorist plot.</p><p>[Podfic + Text]</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Voodoo Doughnut Job

Cover by dapatty

  
**Download Links:** [mp3 (13 MB)](http://dapatty.parakaproductions.com/2015/Voodoo%20Doughnut%20Job.mp3)  


“Did you actually get into a fist fight during a wedding at a doughnut shop because the last silly voodoo doughnut was gone?” Sophie asked, her tone a mix of pride and chiding. Apparently it had been on the news. 

“Dude, we saved that wedding. Don’t be harshin’ on that wedding,” Hardison cut in. “It was beautiful. Besides, none of us expected Parker to punch that guy in the chest.”

“Great execution by the way,” Eliot smiled at her. “Right in the solar plexus like I taught you.”

“He smelled funny and took your favorite,” Parker shrugged, pleased smile tucked into the corners of her eyes. 

“Who would have thought that they’d sell out of Lemon Chiffon cruellers at 3'o clock in the morning? C’mon.” Hardison clarified.

“It’s a very distinct melding of flavors. Delicate.” Eliot added.

“The Voodoo Doll is the best though,” Hardison said. “No offense to your delicate lemon sensibilities.” 

“It’s just a chocolate covered doughnut with icing accents, Hardison,” Eliot protested.

“Right, what exactly happened?” Sophie cut them off before they could get entirely out of hand.

“So here’s how it went down,” Hardison started.

***

Hardison: Sometimes you just get a hankering for some deep fried, icing covered goodness.

Parker: With cereal.

Eliot: At three in the morning when reasonable people are in bed.

Hardison: And yeah, sometimes that craving happens in the early am hours when any alleged ‘reasonable people’ besides college kids and stoners are up, but who cares. Sometimes your lady and dude decide that doughnuts with fruit loops are necessary.

Eliot: Dude, it was all you. You woke us up because ‘You had to have a Bacon Maple Bar or you would die.’ 

Parker: They _are_ delicious, but nothing to die over even with the bacon. Not like The Loop Doughnut. Not that I’m judging your taste in doughnuts. I’m just saying.

Hardison: As I was _saying_ , you got to take your peeps across town to get life affirming doughnuts in the wee hours. Totally a thing.

Eliot: You didn’t even drive. Stop acting like you single-handedly willed us there and it was all sunshine and rainbows.

Parker: I didn’t get to drive either. _Someone_ , who drives like a grandma and who is not me or Hardison, insisted on driving. We could have gotten there in time if I’d gotten to drive.

Eliot: Because you drive like you are in the Touring Car Championship, darlin’. Call me crazy, but I like keeping all the wheels on the ground.

Parker: That’s not crazy. It’s fun and a really fast way to get anywhere! Stop complaining. I’m the best driver out of all of us.

Hardison: Anyway, we didn’t make it to Voodoo in time to get Eliot his Lemon Chiffon, but we made it in time for a wedding.

Parker: Well, almost wedding. No one was qualified. And we’d barely got through the door before I had to punch that guy. He smelled weird. Like old mildew and new fertilizer. Eliot said he was shady.

Eliot: No. I said he was ex-air force. He had a very distinctive haircut. 

Parker: Ex-whatever. Totally went down like a bag of bricks. He really shouldn’t have gotten that last doughnut and told those two nice girls that they shouldn’t be getting married. It’s like he didn’t even know he was in Portland. 

Hardison: It was the saddest thing. Those two gosh-darn adorable ladies who’d been together all through college wanting to get married because of the Supreme Court ruling.They just wanted to have their happy day. 

Eliot: Drove all the way from Billings. Long haul. Over the Rockies. Lonesome drive, even with someone you like to share it with.

Parker: But Eliot is a preacher. Or pastor, Or some sort of ordained person thing that apparently defies labels.

Eliot: I told you that it’s classified and irrelevant. Leave it, Parker.

Hardison: Mmm-hmm. Mr. Hinky Shit in Some Other Country getting all official to marry people.

Eliot: Basically yes. The details aren’t important. 

Parker: Anyway, they were heartbroken because no one was around to marry them. And that jerk had been all jerky. And all the baker’s on the night shift were sorry that they were only bakers but no-can-do on the marrying. Even if they were really happy packing that jerk out and throwing him in the dumpster in the back. 

Eliot: Those poor rats. 

Hardison: Word. 

Eliot: So these two girls want to get married and I did what anyone qualified to marry a couple folks would do. Besides, I came with two witnesses. Weren’t nothin’. 

Parker: Everyone deserves a little bit of happiness. 

Hardison: It was really sweet. Adorable even. I may have shed a manly tear. For posterity.

Eliot: You cried like the manly romantic doofus you are. 

Parker: Oh! And they both did that thing that girls do around Eliot. You know, look smitten with his whole thing. _Cowboy stuff._

Eliot: It’s not Cowboy Stuff. Being polite ain’t cowboy stuff. I was just being decent.

Hardison: Country charm and shit. I got your number boy.

Eliot: I’ll show you country charm and shit.

Parker: Great! Your country charm and shit is some of my favorite foreplay. 

Sophie: That’s all well and good, but it doesn’t explain why there are eight dozen boxes of doughnuts in my flat. Nate and I can’t eat all of these. How did they even get here? Voodoo Doughnuts doesn’t deliver, last I checked. 

Hardison: We paid one of the stoners to deliver. Someone might have bought a lot of doughnuts in celebration of a certain wedding.

Eliot: No way in hell I was letting you bring all those home. Just no. You drink enough of that orange crap as it is. 

Parker: Yeah, I can only eat two and a half dozen of the Loops. I’m totally not gonna feel like lunch until late this afternoon.

Hardison: Anyway, wedding celebrations and we might’ve foiled a slight terrorist plot. Dude, Parker punched was looking to plant a pipe bomb in the Skidmore Fountain MAX station. 

Sophie: Oh my! Did you find out if he was working with anyone? Were any of you hurt? You’re all alright?

Eliot: We’re fine. Everyone’s fine. We called our FBI contacts. Well, Parker did.

Parker: Our two favorite agents are handling it as we speak. We even sent doughnuts for everyone working the case. The Fire Department even sent us a card.

Sophie: And all this happened in the wee hours. 

Hardison: And it’s not even noon. We’ve got time for a nap.

Eliot: Speak for yourself, someone has to go make sure the Brew Pub has the afternoon specials. 

Parker: I’m going with Eliot so I can taste his thoughts. Bye Sophie.

***

“Well, I’m glad you’re not bored,” Sophie said, smiling fondly.

“Later, Sophie,” Hardison gave a nod. “I’m gonna go make sure Parker doesn’t get all the good bites.”

Hardison disconnected the call just as Nate walked in looking incredibly puzzled and pointing at the boxes of doughnuts.

“It’s nothing to worry about,” Sophie said. “I’m sure your favorite is in here somewhere. We should take the rest somewhere special.”

Which was how Sophie and Nate ended up handing doughnuts out at the Farmer’s Market.


End file.
